Saddest star
by Ami Mercury
Summary: These are Saddest Star song fics. Most of you have no idea who saddest star is..but the songs are really good, and i hear so are the fics.
1. I despise

Ami Mercury

PG

Song Fic: I Despise

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing but I do own Ami's character. This is another saddest star song!

*Haunted by the shadows of what I have seen*

Blood, my hands are covered in the blood of people trapped to find a peaceful world. Tricked into thinking what they're doing is the right thing. To many people have squandered and died in front of my eyes. Nightmares haunt me, people begging me not to kill them but I do.

*Living in denial of what used to be*

It's over, this bloody war. Gundams were never created and Operation Meator was never thought up. Thousands of people haven't died at my hands. I've never killed anyone. But I have, damn it, why do I have to be Shingami?

*Memories have become a part of me*

I mean it was fun at times. In ways I'm happy it happened. I meat Quatre, Heero, Trowa, Wufei, and my Ami. Memories from every operation in every city.

*You will see

I despise

All the lies

In my mind

In my eyes* 

To many lies during the war. Every where I went I lied to everyone. No one knew my true name or anything true about me. Damn untruthfulness of this life I live! I should have moved back to the colonies, they accept me a lot better then the earth. 

*They looked my way

They looked away*

When people recognizes me in the streets the turn the other way or cross the street. I suppose so much blood stained on my hands stinks of my impurities. 

*No one heard

What I would say*

I wanted peace for the colonies and for us to live in harmony, the earth and colonies as one. No one understands that the Romerfeler Foundation was against the peace of the earth. I had to stop Operation Meator from occurring, or millions of people would have died. 

*They looked my way

They looked away

How could I have lived that way*

How could I have openly accepted a life a killing. Growing up I stole many things but I wasn't a murder but now I am. I swear that I will never kill anyone again unless another war comes on and my gundam and I are needed again.

*Haunted by the life that I used to live*

That dream came back again. I hate it, all my friends die because of me and I can't do anything to help them. The pain in my shoulder doesn't cease, that bullet that went through it still leaves its memory. 

*Nothing left to live for*

Death really seems like an easy way out, but of course it would for the God of Death.

*Nothing I could give*

I have nothing to give to this world. All I've ever brought on is death.

*Enduring same and torment endlessly*

Walking down the street when people recognize me they talk of how I should be executed for war crimes. That it was my fault that peace to so long to achieve.

*No one could see

It's eating me inside

Demons I can't hide

Look into my eyes

You will see*

Heero, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Ami can see that pain through my eyes and know why I hurt.

*I despise

All the lies

In my mind

In my eyes*

Ami told me today that the sparkle in my eyes is gone. She used to have that sparkle in her eyes also but it's gone. A life of killing will do that to someone I guess.

*They looked my way

They looked away

No one heard

What I would say

They looked my way

They looked away

How could I have lived that way*

If I could go back now I'd never would have accepted this life of hell. Ami keeps me sane when we're alone but out in public she can't stop the stairs. We stay in as much as possible now, Ami-chan acts like it doesn't affect her but I know it does.

*I despise*

I despise being Duo Maxwell, the God of Death. The only good thing about my life is finding love with Ami.


	2. Candles

Ami Mercury

Candles: Song Fic

Disclaimer: I do not own gundam wing or "Candles." "Candles" is a song by my friends band Saddest *Star* they do have a copy right on it so it's their song! 

Authors Note: Check out Saddest *star* web site http://www.saddeststar.net The ** around means the lyrics and when they stop is the story. 

*Another day has passed and I still feel the same, I thought that we would last but I'm the one to blame. *

He was the first person to ever love me but I was never caring enough. I always wanted to tell him I loved him but I was afraid. After all the time we were together, 3 years, I thought our love would last forever. 

*I look into the mirror to find a broken face, it's not the same with out you here it's something that I can't replace.*

Why can't he be around any more? I can't fill this void in my heart, it's been 3 months but all I do is think of him, here with me.

*We used to be the best of friends, together till the end.*

Everyone always called us inseparable, always together, Duo and Ami forever.

*I watch the candles burn alone, there's nothing left to show.*

Since we were gundam pilots we made sure all pictures off us were burned so that they were never seen but OZ. We made the candle our symbol, the fire of our love. Now I sit here and watch that candle burn, soon it will be completely gone and so will any symbol of our love. 

*I stare forever into your eyes, made to realize, once we were together, but candles never burn forever.*

His eyes, what I loved most about his appearance, it's also how I figured out that our love wasn't there anymore. The twinkle of love was gone and our candle never burned forever.

*I see you smiling next to me but I know it's meant for them, my empty eyes fill up with tears, my heart will never mend.*

Every time we were together in public he would always smile when others were around, but never when it was just he and I. I missed that heart free smile and when I saw him give that smile to others it made me cry but I could never show him that. I don't think I'll ever get over Duo.

*I gave you everything I had, I guess it wasn't enough, the little child inside my head is sad and dying young.*

I never knew how to love so I had to learn with Duo but I guess the love I showed him wasn't what he needed. I'm 16 years old my heart shouldn't feel so much grief. 

*We used to be the best of friends, together till the end. I watch the candles burn alone, there's nothing left to show. I stare forever into your eyes, made to realize, once we were together, but candles never burn forever.*

*As I lie here broken hearted.*

I make this promise now to never love again, I will never return love no matter what, my heart couldn't handle it. 

*We used to be the best of friends, together till the end. I watch the candles burn alone, there's nothing left to show. I stare forever into your eyes, made to realize, once we were together, but candles never burn forever. As I lie here broken hearted, broken hearted, broken hearted, broken hearted.*

Authors Note: Thanks for reading! Send reviews! I sure like them! Remember to check out this song on http://www.saddeststar.net My friend Chris wrote this song, so go Chris!


	3. Oblivious

Ami Mercury

PG-13

"Oblivious"

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing, sailor moon, or the song "Oblivious" Again this song is a Saddest star song, sadly they are no longer a band, but I'll keep writing song fics with there songs! I know this probably doesn't have anything to do with what Scott intended when he wrote the song….yaoi

*I've drifted through the fog

Of a thousand broken promises*

I'm used to this thing called war, for years I've been a soldier, no not just a soldier, but the perfect soldier. To everyone but me, I keep fighting but all I really want is for this forsaken life to stop. 

*And spoken words untrue*

I've told so many lies during my life, just to complete a mission. Just to appease to Dr. J, I've even lied to myself, telling myself that I have no feelings of love, but I do. 

*Now I stand alone*

I lived my whole life alone, but now I don't seem to be alone, even that that's all I ever acted like I wanted.

*In this beautiful darkness

Oblivious to you*

He's was here, my Duo. He's all mine, or so I thought, I never imagined he would share the same feelings as I do for him. And then he was gone, off to someone else's bed.

*I've built a wall around me

Behind this wall I've found my home

Embrace this darkness surrounding me

Oblivious, I am alone

And I'll stay alone*

I should have just kept my emotions bottled in this mind of mine, it's always been this way so why did I ever expect my life to change with one night? Making love to Duo was all I ever wanted in my life, I can't believe I let down my guard so easily and let him take advantage of me.

*When everything is gone

And my only friends

Are the voices in my head*

When this war is over I imagine that Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa will no longer be around, they'll go off and be happy with their peaceful lives.

*I still stand alone

In this beautiful darkness

Oblivious and dead*

That's what it'll be like all over again, dark and dead. But the darkness is beautiful compared to this hellish war. 

*I've built a wall around me

Behind this wall I've found my home

Embrace this darkness surrounding me

Oblivious, I am alone

And I'll stay alone*

I'll wander the world and the colonies alone, and hang onto the darkness of peace. I'll protect it even though all I know is to fight. 

*Everything I say and do

Never meant a thing to you

You won't win, I won't cry

Just close my door and say goodbye*

That night, when we made love, I confessed how I had fallen in love with you the minute I saw you, but no Duo, you took advantage of me and left me here alone. I'll never cry over you though Duo Maxwell, I'm the perfect solider, I wasn't trained to have emotions. This Duo is my goodbye, leave my mind and never return.

*Goodbye….* 


	4. EVOL

Ami Mercury

PG-13

"EVOL"

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing or the song "EVOL" 

AN: Again this song is a Saddest star song, sadly they are no longer a band, but I'll keep writing song fics with there songs! Again this probably wasn't what was attended by the song but oh well….1x2

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*You tell me to forget you*

Since the war ended you want nothing to do with me, the love and friendship we had is gone.

__

*You tell me to move on*

"Heero the wars over now, we need to move on with our lives and forget fighting and everything that comes with it."

__

*I can't believe I've lost you  
I can't believe you're gone*

One day in the spring, when the warm sun light pierced the transparent sky and reflected off the fresh dew on the flowers, you disappeared with out a word. My heart tells me we will never meet again under any sky, and yet there you still are smiling at me in my mind until the end of my days. 

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*I should have seen this all before*

When you said the part of "…and forget fighting and everything that comes with it." I should I have know that you would leave me shortly. 

__

*The happy ending we'd foreseen  
I should have known this all before  
It was just a childish dream*

I've never been loved by anyone so why did I believe it so easily that you would love me? It's always been a secret dream of mine to be loved, and now it's been crushed.

__

*I should have known that this would end  
though you said that we were true*

Both of our lives have been filled with lies so why did I believe anything you said when I knew how easy it was for you to lie? 

__

*Now on whom can I depend   
If I can't depend on you?*  
You were the only person I've ever trusted Duo and you betrayed that trust, so how am I ever suppose to trust anyone ever again?

__

*I cry myself to sleep at night  
And wake up drowned in my own tears*

Tears are a funny thing; I never knew what they were like before. They give me a headaches and make my eyes all bloodshot, but to me they are reassuring, I know that I still harbor those feelings that you brought out in me.

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*I've lost the will to stand and fight  
I'm falling victim to my fears*

I'm scared to ever feel again, I want to love, but it's so scary. The only person I've ever loved hurt me so badly, I'm not sure if it's worth it.

*I should have seen this all before  
The happy ending we'd foreseen  
I should have known this all before  
It was just a childish dream  
I should have known that this would end  
Though you said that we were true  
Now on whom can I depend   
If I can't depend on you?*

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*I won't take my life tonight  
I'm gonna leave that up to you*  
I want this pain to end, but I won't kill myself Duo, I'll leave that to the God of Death, who has already taken a huge part of my heart with him back into hell. 

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*I should have seen this all before  
The happy ending we'd foreseen  
I should have known this all before  
It was just a childish dream  
I should have known that this would end  
Though you said that we were true  
Now on whom can I depend   
If I can't depend on you?*  
  
*I won't take my life tonight  
I'm gonna leave that up to you*

I'll leave my fate up to the gods Duo but I'll always remember my very own Shingami. 

AN: *glomps the song* I love this song! I defiantly like torturing Hee-chan with Duo-chan leaving him, na? Haha oops! 

Heero: *glair*

Ami: I didn't do anything!

Heero: Next time I better get a lemon out of this! 

Ami: Maybe ;) Do you think Duo would like that? _  
_Duo: What the hell do you think?

Ami: I take that as a yes? *runs off to get pocky* I'll be back in a minute minna-san! I have more to write! Other Saddest *Star* song fics! _  
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	5. Saddest Star

Ami Mercury

PG-13

"Saddest Star"

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing or the song "Saddest Star"

AN: Again this song is a Saddest star song, sadly they are no longer a band, but I'll keep writing song fics with there songs! I know this probably doesn't have anything to do with what was intended when the song was written. 

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*I sit alone and wonder why*

Why did I have to be one of the five people picked to be a gundam pilot? Why couldn't I have lived a normal life, going to school and having friends? But no I'm stuck in this life time as a boy code named "Heero Yuy" who is supposedly the perfect soldier. 

*_In this distant midnight sky*_

I should have stayed on earth in the first place, right now I'm on a shuttle back there. I want to see the stars again and wonder about if anyone else in this earth or on the colonies face this same pain as I.

__

*No one here to call my friend  
I am alone until the end*

Being the ex-pilot of the Gundam Wing Zero defiantly has no perks to it now that the war is over. I have no friends, well I mean sometimes I have the other ex-pilots but they all have found a peaceful life for themselves. With me all I've ever known is war and fighting and being the best pilot I could be. 

__

*It is too late for me  
I will never heal the scar*

I'll never rid myself of the want, no this need to be engaged in combat. This want for blood to flow, may it be mine or my enemies. Before I wanted peace, and now I want to be in battle again. 

__

*I am the lonely one  
I am the saddest star*

Isn't it funny that for so many years I wanted Dr. J to go away, but now that he's dead I wish he was here so that at least I wouldn't be totally alone? This sadness for a companion overwhelms me in a way I never knew I would crave something. 

__

*It is too late for me  
I will never heal the scar  
I am the forgotten one

I am the saddest star*

The others have all forgotten my existence as a person, all they remember me as is a person the fought with during that damn war. 

__

*I'm just a child of the night  
Without a reason left to fight*

Peace, in a way it's ruined my life, at the same time it's fixed everyone else's. I'm a soldier, not a normal man, I should be in battle, but no, there are no battles to be fought.

__

*No one hears what I will say  
For I shine too far away*  
Living in the colonies was the problem, I hope that living on earth again will help me to adjust to this pacifism ideal. 

__

*It is too late for me  
I will never heal the scar  
I am the lonely one  
I am the saddest star  
It is too late for me  
I will never heal the scar  
I am the forgotten one  
I am the saddest star*  
As I lie here on the Earth looking at the stars I try to find the ones furthest away, because those are the ones like me.

  


  


  
  



	6. Tonight

Ami Mercury

PG-13

"Tonight"

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing or the song "Tonight"

AN: Again this song is a Saddest star song, sadly they are no longer a band, but I'll keep writing song fics with there songs! I know this probably doesn't have anything to do with what was intended when the song was written.

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*I lie alone*

For months now you've been here next to me, but now you're only a faint memory on my sheets. You left everything to me, but I can't stand to see most of it anymore, you're memory is every where. 

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*With all these visions in my head*
    
    Every night I go to bed in your shirt that still smells of you and ever day I walk around endlessly in your sweatshirt that you always wore, the black hooded one that smells so much like my beloved Duo. I remember those endless violet orbs, the chestnut of your hair, and ever-single curve and scar on your body. 

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*Eyes open wide  
As I lie in bed tonight*

Nights are endless now, I smell you and I invasion you, but you're never there when I turn over and reach for you. 

__

*Your sorrowed face inside my mind  
Your hateful words they fill my ears*

Why did we have to argue that night? You cried Duo, for the first time ever, I saw you cry, and then you told me you hated me and left on that darn motorcycle, only to meet with your death. 

__

*I cannot shake this pain I feel  
My pillow's soaked in tears tonight*
    
    I feel that it's all my fault that you're not here Duo, if I hadn't yelled at you you would have stayed home and not driven off that cliff. 

__

*Someday, maybe I'll forget  
All of my regret, someday*
    
    I regret meeting you; you caused me to feel, to love, and to hate myself. If I hadn't met you then you'd still be alive and someone else would have gotten the chance to love you. 

__

*I lie alone  
Here in this bed that I have made*
    
    Another night, another lonely night, alone with out the one I love. 

__

*I cannot sleep  
I am wide awake tonight

Someday, maybe I'll forget   
All of my regret, someday  
  
Tonight...*

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AN: Okay…this one was really short….when I wrote it I thought I could make it longer but….NOPE! So it's really short! _  
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	7. False

Ami Mercury

"False" Saddest Star song fic

Disclaimer: I don't own "False" or Gundam Wing….

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*Ask me what it's like to be

Oblivious and free*

It's wonderful to be free of the thought of being forced into the possibility of sacrificing my life for peace. Still it's not like I've escaped the thought of death or of war. Memories have be come a part of me, some times I'm happy they're bad ones though, because now I can be thankful they're over.

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*Caring not for what you do  
Caring not for you*

I live my life staying to myself, not caring for others or wanting them to care for me. I like my life in this bubble.

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*Tell me what it's like to be

Controlled by what you see*

I've discovered that teenagers are strange and want to fit in with everyone else. They subject themselves to the torment of others and hide from they're true selves. They run around pretending they are individuals but truly they are only pawns in a bigger scheme.   
_*You can't change the way I feel_

I will never be unreal*

I've lived out seventeen years of my life being who I am, I'm not about to change that for people who spend their time worrying about what everyone else's perception of them is. 

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*No matter what you say or do

I can never be like you*

Even if I wanted to be a carbon copy of every so called popular person in the world it couldn't happen because of who I've always been, the God of Death. People talk about me at this school that I now attend, saying that I'm a murder and making fun of me because I'm an orphan. Once a girl came up to me while I was standing at my locker and smacked me across the face, saying I had killed her father and that I was damned to hell for all eternity, that not even God would forgive me for the treason I had committed.

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*I can't be you 

I can't be you*

*Look at me, I will never be like you*

I stand here in the middle of this hall oblivious to the laughter of the clones, staring at him, my Heero, I know we'll never be the same as the other people in this hall but we'll always have each other. 

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*Go away, I will never be untrue*

I've had some people come up to me telling me I'm cute and flirting with me, but I just wish that they would leave me alone, I'm in love with Heero.

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*To myself, and what I believe inside

I am me, and I don't need to hide*
    
    I am me, I am Duo Maxwell, the ex-gundam pilot of Deathsythe Hell Custom. I won't change my feelings to pretend that I wasn't a gundam pilot.

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*I will never break or bend

Conforming to your trends*

Trends are common things through all your life, but changing to fit into all of them isn't something that's right or important to me.

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*In the shadows I will stay

If it has to be that way*

If a point comes where no one will accept us because we used to be gundam pilots then I'll go into the darkness again. Just me and Heero alone for the rest of eternity. 

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*I'll never know what it's like to be

Controlled by what I see*

I'm not different looking from everyone else, in fact I look like a normal person. 

__

*You can judge me if you will

But I will stay standing still

My confidence will never break

I will never be a fake*

*I can't be you

I can't be you*

*You're all like sheep, you're all the same

No one knows who is to blame*

I can't understand how people can feel so many emotions inside but bottle them up and pretend they are different from the next person who is exactly the same on the outside. 

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*But I chose to stay away
    
    I'm not you

I can't be you*

Wanting to be someone else is untrue to you, I could never do that to myself.

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*I am me, I'm not you

I can't be you*

AN: Wow….this is probably the worst fic I've ever written….seems very reparative to me…It's really blah…but I wanted to finish up the saddest star fics…I might do more…they're a few more songs….but I haven't heard one before…and then there's one I've only heard once…I'll have to talk to scott and get the lyrics…I also want to write one with the Auto Pilot song "Love sick Anthem" 


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